Remember your first everything

I had my first recording yesterday. It was a bit impromptu (the details all fell in to place in less than a week) but sometimes we can use a dash of spontaneity.

The song was 'Girl from Ipanema' but since I'm a girl, I sang the 'Boy from Ipanema' version. My brother who flew out to Seattle today was able to play the drums and two co-workers played guitar and bass. Can I just say how blessed I am to be surrounded by musically talented people? Who don't mind spending over three hours on a Saturday to play and record music?

We did several takes with just the instruments while I sang along without my voice being recorded. I think we ended up doing about 6 takes and decided that the first and last ones were the best. And then they set up this fancy microphone (a neumann for those who know their microphones) for me to try at least one take. I put on ginormous headphones and seriously, it felt like I was in a cocoon. A cocoon encased by music and the sound of my own voice.

I was surprisingly calm and sang well. Not the best but it sure wasn't bad. And hey, it was only one take. I used to say that I hated listening to my recorded voice but now, whether I like it or not, I have to listen to it over and over and over again.

I'm hoping to do some more takes this week. And until then, I am trying to find my voice...

Honest thoughts

So what is it about people’s opinions that can so strongly influence the way I view myself? It’s scary how powerful words can be. I had a conversation with someone earlier last month about my dream to sing. He peppered me with questions.

Why do I want to sing?

Have I been trained?

Why jazz? Do I even like jazz music?

Do I have a band?

What’s my plan?

What’s my ultimate goal?

Do I want to go in to music to gain attention?

I felt like an idiot when I realized most of my answers to the questions were either ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I just want to sing’. How pathetic sounding is that?

What is going to keep me pursuing this bold dream? Simply because it is a dream that I have? Simply because I want to and see where it takes me? I’ve been encouraged by one of my closest friends who took off to France just a couple days ago. She’s had a dream for many years to go live in France. So this past autumn, she finally decided to leave Japan and go live in France for three months. She doesn’t really know where she’s going to end up after doing language school in Paris for a month but I admire her gumption. I need more gumption in my life.

Strange as it seems, since I made my decision to pursue my dream, I have been struggling with self confidence that I have not struggled with before. All of a sudden I am doubting that I have any talent or any hope. Do I have what it takes? Maybe not. But the reason why I am doing this is because I want to give it a try.

And as someone just told me today, we only live once. Today is the only day I get to live today. There are no second chances. So I've decided I'm not going to let my doubts & insecurities overwhelm the joy of living today.